Motherhood | mrssavageangel

So tomorrow my baby, my 6lb 6oz tiny bundle of large feet and enormous thumbs and piercing blue eyes and soft blonde hair, my baby boy, starts nursery.

It’s Jan 2015, meaning he’ll be 3 in three months. He’ll be one of the youngest there (it’s a proper preschool), and I’m so excited. For him, for me, for everything it means for us. I’m also terrified.

My boy has words but let’s not beat about the bush, he doesn’t speak. Not in any kind of sense you’d understand. He has communication issues and while the nursery are fully aware of them and have some amazing sounding strategies in place to help him, the other children don’t know this. What if he doesn’t settle? What if he can’t make himself understood? What if this means his behaviour is less than desirable? What if? What if? What if my baby is sad?

I so want this to work, to be a time he can enjoy and learn from. I’m just a bit nervous I guess. For the first time ever I won’t be there to defend him, to understand him, to explain him. Anyone who knows me will know I’m not a neurotic mother but anyone who knows me will also understand why I’m so nervous. For him. For me.

Things they are a changing. Again.

HI guys

Yes it’s me, remember me? I’ve been so busy these past couple of weeks that I barely remember who I am. Blogging has taken a bit of a back seat of late and for that I apologise. Only when I start to think about it, have I really been that busy? Well I guess I have been out and about in the evenings a lot more than I usually am, but really the thing that’s changed is that Oscar is edging closer and closer to dropping his daytime nap. I know – abandon hope all ye who enter here!! I find it so hard to write, or at least write anything of any value, when he’s around, that it’s just easier not to try. But actually the thing I’m finding the hardest is the lack of ‘down time’ I get these days. I’ve said it before and I don’t mind repeating that I know I have only been able to stay at home with Oscar as long as I have because he has, until recently, been a good, consistent napper. I wish I could say I revelled in his company 24/7 and wish it didn’t bother me quite as much not to have time to myself, but it does. Something has had to give and of late it’s been this.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never felt quite so much like I’m dragging myself towards the end of the year as I do this year. We’re all exhausted. The past few months in particular have been draining for all the family. Whereas last year I was excited to see what 2014 held, this year I can’t wait to get 2015 going, to make some changes. In some respects I feel nothing is still, nothing is constant and in other respects I feel like I’m static and somewhat stuck in a rut. Its the most bizarre feeling – like standing stock still in the middle of a storm.

I know my weight loss journey isn’t really a journey at the moment, more of a stop off. Like I’m taking a break at the motorway services of me. I don’t know, I think I’ve lost my mojo somewhere along the way. Don’t get me wrong I haven’t slipped into old eating habits, I’m just not moving forward anymore. I’ve maintained for the last few weeks and last week I gained 1lb (total lost 6 Stone 6 lb (90lb) ). And do you know what? I was fine with that. It’s not that I don’t care so much, just that I was fine with it.

I weigh in tomorrow for the last time before Christmas and I promise to update you on that on Wednesday, in between taking delivery of our Christmas food shop (Yay for Ocado and yay for me booking my Christmas Eve slot back in November!) and cooking our Christmas Ham. Oh and visiting friends and generally getting ready for the big day. Yeah, it might not be a long one on Wednesday 😉

Anyway, I’ll let you go – you probably have a tonne to be getting on with. I’ll just leave you with this picture. It was our Slimming World group party last Friday and boy did we let our hair down. Well, you know me, I don’t get out much, poor old thing!! We had a ~~right old piss up~~ riot and it was great to meet people from the other groups and to hear how they’re getting on. It was especially nice to have people who read my blog come and introduce themselves and tell me how much they enjoy my writing. It’s always slightly baffling but very flattering to think actual people are reading my actual words. And big thanks to the lady who couldn’t get over how I looked. She kept saying I was slimmer in real life than she’d thought I was from my pictures. How sweet!!! The dress I wore was gifted to me by our Miss Slinky, Sarah Jane, who wasn’t able to join us for family reasons on Friday. She was really missed. I wasn’t sure about wearing it, but I’m so glad I did. I felt fab all night. It wasn’t a size I’d have ever picked off the rail and it just goes to show, sizes differ so wildly that it’s not about a number but about what fits. So anyway that picture

Last year’s Christmas party outfit, size 22. This year’s, size 12!